update

I'm back. After quite the hiatus, I am here at the computer with a few moments to spare. My life has changed dramatically over the past month. Just last semester I was living the easy life of class three days a week, great workouts, and lots of babysitting. Then, on January 9, 2008 I started my internship. I am now in class on Mondays and working Tuesday-Friday from 9am to 7pm. Welcome to the adult world of working all the time with studying and research to keep up with what I'm seeing. My day is divided. I spend the morning in the hospital doing psychiatric social work assessments. Basically, the MD's request that Paul does an evaluation on a patient presenting mental health or substance abuse issues. Paul and I see the patient, make recommendations and referrals. Our work with these patients is time-limited. After the hospital, we go to the office for the remainder of the day. Paul and I then do individual and family outpatients. I get to sit in on some of Paul's appointments and I do a few of my own. These appointments last from 12-5. At 5pm we do recovery groups. These groups are for people currently taking Suboxone in order to recover from opiate addictions. Basically, I am currently participating in my dream job. I love what I'm doing. It's such a joy to do something that I just get excited about.

One of the best parts of this internship is the hospital work. I'm actually getting to see all the things I've studied about and some things I'd never even thought about. I've seen a woman suffering from panic attacks, another man who lost most of his vision after a stroke, steroid-induced psychosis, lithium toxicity, depression, addicition, borderline personality disorder. It is fascinating. It's all I can do to absorb everything, study up on the meds I've never heard of, and not fall over from exhaustion at the end of the day.

I never dreamed how hard this job would be. Because no one comes to see a therapist because they are just having a great day. No, someone comes in because he/she is having a bad run of things or there's a crisis. I manage okay during the day and then want to just fall over at 7pm and have a little cry from about all the pain I've heard over the course of the last 10hours. The first week was the worst though. I started losing things and being really forgetful. Now, after three weeks, I can find my water bottle on the first try, thank God. However, the sleep is currently being affected. I'm still having trouble quieting my mind. Cases are running through my head, patients, stories, secrets, anguish. I don't know if I will ever forget the first time I sat with a complete stranger while she cried. It is a strange thing what people will tell me. It is a strange thing how resiliant the human body, spirit, and mind are. People have and are surviving through such horrors and pain. And it's helpless knowing that I can't fix it, but it's hopeful knowing that I can try to help. It's a strange thing how much humans bullshit each other, but my job calls for honesty about things I've considered taboo in the past: sexual activity, disease, money, thoughts, medications, diagnosis, trama.

So, in general I'm happy, but tired.