Rookie

So, I'm quite terrified that I'm settling into that grown-up, settled down routine that I feared all during my growing up years. I mean, I seriously get up, go to work, workout, eat dinner, hang out with Aaron or a friend, and then go to bed. It's strange. I always balked at such a normal existence. I thought I would always be traveling the globe and would never sit too long in one place. And now, I find that I don't want to leave Birmingham. I love this city. And I find that I really enjoy my little existence in my corner of the world. Baffling, really. Just baffling. And yet, I'm extremely happy and for the most part, quite healthy. Interesting.

At church on Sunday, David was talking about the story of Job and intertwined with the sermon were two stories about loss and faith and the knowledge that God is present in our sorrows. One of the women who died, died on my birthday. And for some reason, that just struck me. I mean, I know that people are born and die each and every day all over the globe. But, on the day that I and those I love were celebrating my life, others in the same city were mourning the loss of someone they love.

Regardless of education and work experience, my job is truly fly-by-seat-of-my-pants-and-hope-for-the-bestest-possible. Today, one of my clients forcefully took his sister's car keys and cell phone and tried to head out of Bradford and run for the hills or wherever his drug dealer is. So, his mother pulled her car behind to block him and the patient almost backed his car into his mother's. Meanwhile, my supervisor is watching and the sister is yelling for someone to call the cops and I go in as backup because I am so tall and strong. So, with his mother and sister and my supervisor watching, I issue a little prayer to the heavens for guidance and wisdom and a possible return of Jesus, and coax the patient out of the car and away from his family. I eventually succeed and we go for a walk and he tells me that he has been using for the past two weekends. And my heart breaks because he is so sick. And from the outside, a guy stealing his sister's car keys and almost crashing two cars together just for the sake of running for drugs doesn't make sense. But, it did to him. He was so desperate for another fix. And that sucks. And it makes me hate addiction and drugs and alcohol and hate the devil's presence in the world. And, I long for freedom for my patients and for myself. I long for Jesus on days like this. And He's present, I can feel Him. But, there are days, I truly long to see His face. But, meanwhile, I have a job that is interesting and challenging and something that I believe in. Because one of these days, a patient is going to call me and let me know that he's still sober and recovery is totally worth it.