my halo's too tight

Brennan Manning writes, "the gospel of grace calls us to sing of the everyday mystery of intimacy with God instead of always seeking for miracles or visions...Grace abounds and walks around the edges of our everyday experience." I don't know what to write these days. My life still feels very strange. I still miss Aaron and I am redefining my life, my time, my friendships, and my faith. In regards to my faith, I am particularly interested in rules. I am really sick and tired of rules. Rules just make me want to throw a small fit and say a loud stream of cuss words. Now, don't misunderstand, I believe in rules for the good of society so that we're not all running around looting and stealing. But, I'm tired of rules for rules' sake. I'm more into freedom for freedom's sake and fun for fun's sake. Now, for me this generally involves just not trying to please everyone and shaking it a little harder when I go out dancing and saying a few more cuss words when people can actually hear them. This does not give me free reign to do anything that would hurt someone else or myself on purpose.

But, back to Brennan. I am trying to remain in a spirit of gratitude lately. And, it helps me to write it down. So, I am thankful for the sunset last night. It was glorious and fleeting. I was thankful to be a witness to the hand of God. I'm thankful for my apartment. I love this space. It's my little refuge in the world and I feel so at home here. I'm thankful for my friends. There is nothing like a phone call right now to let me know that I am being thought of and loved. Payday. I get paid tomorrow and I am ever-grateful for a job that I not only like, but that allows me to pay my bills and do some fun things on the side. The fall weather. There is something about fall and spring that is surprising each year and let's me sense a power greater than myself and a sense of "aliveness." Hot tea in the morning and diet soda twice a day. I love the warmth of the tea and the fizzle of a diet soda. My co-workers. I don't even know how to describe them, but I could not do my job and remain sane without their wisdom and laughter and support.