Norman

I have to believe the quote that states, "when all is lost, all is left to gain." I am grieving what feels like a death. There is something so strange about a break-up. It really shakes things up. My emotions are stirred, the pictures come down, the notes are stored away to possibly be read in a few years or to be thrown out with time, I try to rediscover the 'I' and say goodbye to the 'we.' One of the hardest things right now is that I don't have much to give my patients. I want to listen to their pain and be helpful, but I don't have much room for more hurt. I stare at them a bit glassy-eyed and understand their desire for things to feel better "right now." I wish someone had an answer. I wish this could pass more quickly. I wish I could step outside of myself and truly examine the relationship and how I need to change for the better. I wish I could glimpse two years from now when I am grateful for these lessons and somehow, have forgotten the intensity of the pain. It's always been strange to me how a person can forget pain so easily. I've gone through break-ups before, but each one wounds in a different, deep way. And I suppose I'm grateful for this because I wouldn't have the guts to go around risking my heart again if I were able to remember what this feels like. But, I know it will pass with time and I will risk it all again. And it will be worth it again. Psalms 139 says that "you hem me in-behind and before; you have laid our hand upon me...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." So, whatever mistakes I may have made, I'm okay because the Lord thinks I'm a cool chick and that's enough.