what's your POA?

I have just finished reading Eric Clapton's autobiography. He writes about his recovery from alcohol and drugs with such clarity and honesty.

"At that moment, almost of their own accord, my legs gave way and I fell to my knees. In the privacy of my room I begged for help. I had no notion who I thought I was talking to, I just knew that I had come to the end of my tether, I had nothing left to fight with. Then I remembered what I had heard about surrender, something I thought I could never do, my pride just wouldn't allow it, but I knew that on my own I wasn't going to make it, so I asked for help, and getting down on my knees, I surrendered.

Within a few days I realized that something had happened for me. An atheist would probably say it was just a change of attitude, and to a certain extent that's true, but there was much more to it than that. I had found place to turn to, a place I'd always known was there but never really wanted, or needed, to believe in. From that day until this, I have never failed to pray in the morning, on my knees, asking for help, and at night, to express gratitude for my life, and most of all, for my sobriety. I choose to kneel because I feel I need to humble myself when I pray, and with my ego, this is the most I can do.

If you are asking why I do all this, I will tell you...because it works, as simple as that. In all this time that I've bee sober, I have never once seriously thought of taking a drink or a drug. I have no problem with religion, and I grew up with a strong curiosity about spiritual matters, but my searching took me away from church and community worship to the internal journey. Before my recovery began, I found my God in music and the arts...In some way, in some form, my God was always there, but now I have learned to talk to him."
-Eric Clapton

It was only when all of my own POA's (Plans of Action) failed time and again, that I finally turned to the one resource left. The resource that called me to let go of all power and plans and actions. The resource that called me to trust and be ever present with my God. Because although it is just a drink or a pill or a spoonful of food, these inanimate things have a kind of power over addicts that is baffling. I cannot explain to you why food has had such a strong effect of my life. I truly believe my brain reacts to food differently than other people's brains. I believe that the brain of an alcoholic reacts differently than other people's brains. I thought it would be disastrous to admit that I am indeed "powerless." Yet, it has given me such freedom. Not that I don't still mess up at times. But, it's a choice. I can leave my addiction at the feet of Jesus or I can pick it up and try to control things once again. And you better believe, after that recent day, I have laid it back down. Carry on with your work, please Jesus. I've got a life to live.

I'm surprised that I keep writing about my recovery from eating disorders. It is something I have kept personal and hidden for so long. I'm not sure what the change is about and I don't wish to broadcast myself. I am just grateful. So grateful.