counting down

One of the last times I hung out with Brigid, we were riding in the car together listening to country music. She said, "Alison, why does everyone sing about ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends?" I thought to myself, oh just wait, Brigid, just wait until that first or second or third heartbreak. Just wait. You'll be singing a sad song too.
At this point in life, I've been the one left in the relationship and the one to leave the relationship. There's no good way to break up. Both sides suck, everyone gets hurt. But, what I've noticed is that most, if not all, of the sad songs are from the person who got left. I'd like a terribly lonesome song from the person who leaves. Because that side hurts too. Feelings happen or things change or something goes awry or a million other reasons and you know it's time to let go. But, that doesn't mean that everything is just guns and roses. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes you make a choice because you know in the wellspring of your heart that its the right choice, but it's still hard and the consequences of that right choice don't always feel right.
I had a conversation with a friend the other day and we were talking about our 'back-up plan.' (I had one with my friend, Richard and he had one with his high school friend.) You know, the person who you agree to marry if you haven't married someone else by that time. I realized that my back-up plan and I agreed to age thirty! Now, we did this in high school at about age 16 so 30 was double the time. But, oh gosh, now I'm 25 and that's just 5 more years. Maybe we'll back that deadline up a little bit. Regardless, my friend and I agreed to be the 50 year-old back-up plan together. He did put a contingency on the plan that I still look good in blue jeans, so I've got to stay in shape for at least 25 more years.
Ah, the subject of love and relationships. I wonder if that will be the topic I hear about most when I'm a therapist. I bet money it will.