Call back

I realize, as I read over my past postings, that I continually arrive at a place of 'no answers.' A place where I glimpse mountains of sadness and frustration and loneliness and heartbreak (either in my own life or that of others) and I have no idea why and no answers. I don't know where to begin. But, I have come to two realizations. First, I am thankful that I am older and have gotten to experience some of life. I have a different perspective than I did even in college. I remember a particular romantic break-up in college that was simply devasting. In some ways, I'm not sure I even thought life could go on. Yet eventually it did. Other painful experiences continued to happen and now, when something just awful happens, I am able to step back and say, 'Wow, this really hurts and it really sucks and I hate like hell that I am going through this, but I know that it will pass, the world will keep on turning, the sharpness of the pain will eventually become duller, and I will be okay. Right now, I don't feel okay, but I will be okay. I will. I always have been before.' And two, I think the depth of my faith is in these questions. Faith is simple when life is easy. And sometimes faith is even easier when it's hard; I just cling to Jesus. Yet, the hard times bring out my questions more than usual. The why's and the anger and the hope. I have always been aghast to hear that it's 'wrong' to doubt God or question Him or be angry with Him. To me, that's simply ridiculous. I am in a relationship with the Lord and in my real relationships, there are no hidden emotions. Plus, if God created me, I figure He better be able to handle my anger. It was His idea in the first place.
I'm currently reading 'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell. It's excellent and I highly recommend it. I love the following lines, 'A Christian doesn't avoid the questions; a Christian embraces them. In fact, to truly pursue the living God, we have to see the need for questions. Questions are not scary. What is scary is when people don't have any. What is tragic is faith that has no room for them....Maybe that is who God is looking for - people who don't just sit there and mindlessly accept whatever comes their way.'