put on your party hat

Today is my father's 65th birthday. For some reason, the birthdays this year seem different. I turned 25 in July. That's as close to thirty as it is to twenty. My middle brother turned 35. That's as close to fourty as it is to thirty. And Dad turned 65. You guessed it, that's as close to 70 as it is to 60. And there's something important in this to me. Every year I get asked if I 'feel' older on my birthday. And this year, I actually do. I feel like 25 is different. Like somehow, by turning 25, I officially became an adult or at least expect myself to quickly become one. I am not where I thought I would be in life at this point. I didn't have an exact plan, but it really didn't consist of still being in school and being single. Hmm, let me rephrase that because it sounds like I'm disappointed in where I am in life. I didn't expect to be in the process of earning a master's degree and discovering who I am as a person. I didn't expect to have more questions than answers. I didn't expect to have such amazing friendships and actually have a decent relationship with my mother. I didn't expect to have four nephews who I adore and would give my life for or adopt if the need arose (another blog about that later). I didn't expect life to be like this. But, I have learned by now that life never takes any kind of path I could imagine and I am just fine with that. I have already lived a challenging, exciting, amazing life.

But it is strange to think that in five short years I will be thirty years old. And my brother will be (gasp!) headed toward middle age and my father will be seventy years old. Now, that is assuming that we all, God willing, are blessed with another five years of life. As I watch my father age, I'm not really happy about it. He is still physically fit and works all the time and travels like its his job. Yet, I see small changes in his energy and walk. And I don't want him to get 'old.' I want him to forever get to go dancing with me. However, I know that I can't stop time and wouldn't really want to any way. Because, in spite of the challenges and 'growing pains,' I'm enjoying this growing up process. I'm learning a lot and I don't want to stop. So, life goes on in its glorious, heartwrenching circle.