a little crust of bread

Today I was just praying for God to sustain me. As much as I know "it will all work out," that is not bringing much comfort at the moment. Because in this moment, it isn't working out, it isn't fun, it isn't okay, I'm not satisfied, on and on. And as much as I want to find rest in the okay of the future, I also want to find discomfort in the not-okay of this moment. Because this is what I have right now. This moment that feels like a dress that doesn't fit quite right. And in this moment, I feel like God is daring me not to notice Him. The last two evenings I've taken walks during that time when the sun is setting and its light is so bright that it brings tears to eyes on account of its brillance. It's something you cannot miss. There is no way to be outside walking or driving or talking to someone in the driveway without being annoyed at the blinding light. I feel like that's the Lord. He's trying to get my attention, claim my attention, focus my eyes back on Him. I'm begging for sustenance and being blinded by His brillance. Being reminded to find my completeness in Him, for nothing else will ever satisfy those desires and fill me up.